A Dark Fairytale

Once upon a time there lived a princess named Suzanna the Amazing. She lived in a small kingdom on a warm, sunny coast.

One day she was finishing up at her office when her husband, Chaseton Little Sleep, arrived with their two princes, Ayden Paw Patrol and Espn PJ Mask. Chaseton protected the kingdom at night and only slept for a couple hours each day, so he sleepily said goodbye to the family and headed off to keep the peace. Suzanna and the princes decided to stop at Michaels of the Crafts on their way home.

This was a risk on the princess’s part since little Ayden was currently wearing big-prince underwear, and still learning to go in the potty. But Chaseton has brought the prince’s royal diaper bag, which, she assumed would, of course, be packed with all necessary items. How the winds of fate do blow.

The royal family arrived at Michaels and had a debate over who would ride in the store-carriage. Ayden insisted upon being treated as a big boy and big boys did not have to be pushed in a store-carriage. They stayed with their mothers and didn't run off. Two minutes later, he had disappeared into the next aisle as Suzanna browsed. Then she heard the noise. Mothers know that sound.

Ayden sheepishly popped around the corner, leaving a trail behind him. He thought he just needed to fart, he explained in his loudest voice- but what came out was far messier. Faced with this challenge, and Espn’s shrieks of outrage over being ignored, the princess decided the best course of action was to head for the royal carriage, clean up the prince’s wardrobe, then return to deal with the rather large, um, droppings.

But alas, fate was not on her side. The diaper bag, while containing an impressive amount of snacks and toys, held no wipes, diapers, or extra clothes!! What to do!?

With little choice, but a few silent choice words for Chaseton, Suzanna stripped the prince down to his socks, wiped him off as best she could with a shirt and her spit, and set Ayden on a ziploc bag as protection for the royal carriage-seat. By now, both princes were in hysterics, and Suzanna was close to joining them. Did she go back inside and try to clean up the mess, dragging a screaming baby and naked screaming toddler with her?

With a last apologetic look at poor Michael of the Crafts, she fled the scene of the crime. With luck, employees would assume the carnage was caused by one of the many roving dogs people of the kingdom insisted on carrying around. She would never again return.

And because of this, they had no place to get their holiday craft supplies and were not able to properly decorate the castle for Christmas.

The end.

***Please note that this is a fictional story and any similarity to persons alive or dead is a mere coincidence. And if you don’t believe that, then the names have been changed to protect the identities of those involved- both guilty and innocent***

With Love,

Susanne